Friday, Late-Breaking TV News!

Ellen DeGeneres Tapped to Host Emmys
The Academy of Television Arts & Sciences has tapped Ellen DeGeneres to host the "57th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards" telecast Sept. 18 on CBS, sources said.

Ms. DeGeneres hosted the Emmys alone in 2001. She co-hosted with Patricia Richardson in 1994 and was one of 11 comedians who shared "hostless" hosting duties in 2003.

Ms. DeGeneres, who now stars in her popular eponymous syndicated talk show, drew high marks from critics and viewers for her funny, tasteful performance in 2001. The awards show had been delayed twice that year due to the 9/11 terrorist attacks. It drew 17 million viewers, down from 22 million the prior year, but was considered a fairly strong showing as the nation was still rocked by the attacks.

That program was also broadcast on CBS, where Ms. DeGeneres was then starring in a short-lived sitcom, "The Ellen Show."

(Friday) Quickie Movie and TV news

EDITOR'S NOTE: GOSH. I HAVE BUNCHES OF STUFF I SHOULD BE DOING RIGHT NOW. BILLS TO PAY. WORK TO DO.

SO.....

HOW ABOUT SOME MORE DWEEBING???!!!

MOVIES:
Xavier and Magneto heading to Vegas?
"X-Men" buds Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen are mulling over an offer to star in a new version of Bill Shakespeare's "Merchant of Venice", says Dark Horizons and The Telegraph.

The updated take on the age-old yarn will be set in Sin City, with many of Vegas's towering attractions serving as backdrop.

The new £20 million movie will use the flamboyant Venetian Resort, Hotel and Casino in the heart of the Nevada desert, for it's locale, rather than a medieval Italy, as the original play/film dud.

Like Baz Luhrmann's "Romeo and Juliet",EDITOR'S NOTE: SHUDDER. the new film will keep Shakespeare's dialogue, and won't even pretend to be set in the real Venice.

You'll see the resort's versions of the Rialto Bridge, St Marks Square and the Grand Canal plain and clear.

McKellen, is keen to be involved in the project, though last night he declined to go into details.

"Patrick has approached me about the role and I am very interested," he said.

Others, however, believe Stewart may be trying too hard. One insider who saw an early copy of the script said: "I think the idea of the Las Vegas setting is a step too far. I think it's an example of taking a simple idea and hitting it with a sledgehammer."EDITOR'S NOTE: ON THE OTHER HAND, "MERCHANT OF VENICE" ISN'T EXACTLY A SUBTLE PIECE. IF THEY KEEP LUHRMANN (AND THAT CROWD) OUT OF IT, THIS SOUNDS QUITE INTRIGUING, ACTUALLY.

Qui-Gonn, the sixteenth President of the United States?
According to The Indy Experience, there's an ungloved streetfight in the works with Tom Hanks and Liam Neeson standing in opposite corners.

The New York Daily News reports that Hanks has been nixed from the lead role in Steven Spielberg's upcoming Abraham Lincoln biopic and in his place - the not-so-American Liam Neeson.

"We're definitely going to do it," Neeson, who appeared in Spielberg's "Schindler's List", tells. "We've been working on it since November."

The story of a nation rent by war "speaks to our time," says Neeson.

In addition, The Belfast Telegraph has a bit on the film, saying Neeson's having to go all Lindsay Lohan to play the role. The 6ft 4in leading man has been on a crash diet to play the role of tall and thin American Civil War president, who was at the height of his power in his 50s before being assassinated at the age of 56 in 1865.EDITOR'S NOTE: NEESON SORT OF HAS MORE OF THE RIGHT LOOK THAN HANKS, DOESN'T HE? EVEN PRE-WEIGHT LOSS. (BUT WON'T WE FIND IT A WEE BIT DISTURBING IF WE END UP HAVING THE HOTS FOR ABRAHAM LINCOLN? HOW ODD IS THAT??!!)

Regency prepping Comando sequel?
Funny how an iffy scoop can do a round-trip to accuracy-ville, a couple of years later. More than a few light years ago, I posted an item about a potential sequel to Schwarzenegger effort "Commando" (1985) being in the works. Well, "Commando 2" is indeed in the cards.

Seems "Commando" has had quite a following. EDITOR'S NOTE: GO FIGGER.

In the 80's, it was a strong video renter, and as a balls-to-the-wall R rated effort - did remarkably well theatricaly too. In a recent magazine poll, it's lead character, John Matrix, tested more popular than - believe it or not - John Rambo.

Obviously, Regency believes they've got something here.

In an article about the success of Regency Enterprises ["Mr and Mrs Smith", "Malcolm in the Middle"], the la la-based trade states that the studio's heads have already set their sights on doing sequels to three films : "Commando", "True Lies" and "Mr and Mrs Smith".

The Jolie/Pitt sequel is the first sequel to go, followed by Lightstorm Entertainment's "True Lies 2" - envisioned as a new "James Bond" or "Mission : Impossible" like franchise - and "Commando 2", which will be released shortly after an upcoming special edition disc of the original.

No word on Schwarzenegger's involvement in both "True Lies 2" or "Commando 2", but the whisper is - He'll be back. EDITOR'S NOTE: SO CALIFORNIA CAN BREATHE A SIGH OF RELIEF THAT THE BIG AUSTRIAN IS ONLY A ONE-TERM GOV?

Murray has cat's eye on 'Garfield 2'
Bill Murray is in negotiations to reprise his role as the voice of Garfield in 20th Century Fox's sequel "Garfield 2," while Breckin Meyer and Jennifer Love Hewitt have signed on to return, though Hewitt's role will be greatly reduced because she is filming the upcoming CBS series "Ghost Whisperer." EDITOR'S NOTE: I'VE SEEN THE PILOT. I BET SHE'LL HAVE TIME TO KILL BEFORE TOO LONG. (AHEM....)

Lucy Davis and Billy Connolly also are entering the fat cat's lair.

Davis, who recently joined the cast of the indie "The TV Set," will play animal lover Abby Westminster, a fashionable professional who has been brought in to try and trap Lord Dargis (Connelly) into revealing his evil plans. She is best known for her role on the U.K. version of "The Office."

"Garfield 2," which will be directed by Tim Hill, is slated for a summer 2006 release.EDITOR'S NOTE: SO WE SHOULD RUSH RIGHT OUT AND RENT "KITTY ONE"? (OR NOT....)

'Yakuza' redo on the map for Warner Bros.
Billy Gerber, hot off the success of "The Dukes of Hazzard," EDITOR'S NOTE: PARSE THAT SENTENCE FOR A SEC....ARE YOU READING BETWEEN THE LINES AND SEE THE WORDS 'SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE' IN THERE? is remaking the 1975 film "The Yakuza" for Warner Bros. Pictures.

It will be written by Oliver Butcher and Stephen Cornwell.

"Yakuza" was directed and produced by Sydney Pollack and starred Robert Mitchum as a man who returns to Japan after a lengthy absence to rescue a friend's kidnapped daughter, ensuing in samurai swords slashing and guns blazing. It was written by Paul Schrader and Robert Towne. Leonard Schrader wrote the story.

The new version, which the studio is envisioning as a two-hander, will be set in contemporary times and also will reflect a more multiethnic Japan

Rudd makes date with 'Woman'
EDITOR'S NOTE: HEY...FOR GUYS IN THESPING, THIS IS A BIG THING!
Paul Rudd has been cast opposite Michelle Pfeiffer in Amy Heckerling's "I Could Never Be Your Woman."

Also joining the Bauer Martinez Studios romantic comedy are Tracey Ullman, Fred Willard, Stacey Dash and newcomer Saoirse Ronan.

The Heckerling-penned movie follows a mother (Pfeiffer) who falls for a younger man (Rudd) while her daughter (Ronan) falls in love for the first time. Ullman plays Mother Nature, who meddles in their fates. EDITOR'S NOTE: DOES IT COUNT AS AN OLDER WOMAN/YOUNGER MAN THING, IF THE WOMAN LOOKS LIKE PFEIFFER? SORT OF A CHEAT, HUH? (THEY SHOULD CAST ME, TO MAKE IT REALLY 'READ').

The movie sees Rudd and Dash reunited with Heckerling, who directed them in her 1995 hit, "Clueless."

Trio wades into 'Waist Deep' pic
Rogue Pictures said Thursday that hip-hop star the Game EDITOR'S NOTE: WONDER IF HE KNOWS MCG? (ALL THAT MONEY....CAN'T THEY AFFORD ACTUAL NAMES?)and actors Meagan Good and Larenz Tate have joined Tyrese Gibson in the urban action thriller "Waist Deep," written and directed by Vondie Curtis Hall.

"Waist Deep" follows an ex-con, O2 (Gibson), who while trying to go straight for the sake of his young son Junior is forced to go back outside the law when Junior is kidnapped in a carjacking.

In his acting debut, the Game will star as a vicious criminal leader, Good ("The Cookout") will play a street-smart hustler, and Tate ("Crash") will be featured as O2's shady cousin. EDITOR'S NOTE: I JUST REPORT 'EM. I DON'T HAVE TO CARE ABOUT EACH AND EVERY ONE, RIGHT?

Crew of four on fast track to Ferrell film
Sacha Baron Cohen, John C. Reilly, Michael Clarke Duncan and Gary Cole have signed on to star in the untitled Will Ferrell NASCAR comedy for Columbia Pictures. EDITOR'S NOTE: THAT CAST HAD ME RIGHT UP UNTIL THE WORDS 'WILL FERRELL' AND 'NASCAR' POPPED INTO THE LINE-UP. DRAT.

The story follows Ricky Bobby (Ferrell), a world-class race car driver and fan favorite. Cohen, hot off the success of his HBO comedy series "Da Ali G Show," will play Jean Girard, a gay, French Formula One driver who comes to the U.S. to conquer NASCAR and defeat Ferrell. Reilly, who is filming Robert Altman's "A Prairie Home Companion," will play Cal Naughton, Ferrell's boyhood friend who together with Ferrell forms "Thunder & Lightning," the most feared racing duo in NASCAR

TELEVISION:
6.4 mil viewers find 'Lost' U.K. premiere
LONDON -- U.K. broadcaster Channel 4 was crowing Thursday as it posted its best-ever ratings for a U.S. series launch after "Lost" crashed its way onto British television screens Wednesday night.

The much-anticipated show, which has been subject to reams of newspaper inches and extensive promos on the channel, recorded peak figures of 6.4 million, repping a 28% share of all TV viewing.

The debut for "Lost" smashes the previous highest average rating for a U.S. series launch on Channel 4, which stood at 4.6 million for "Desperate Housewives" in January this year.EDITOR'S NOTE: HOW TO MESS WITH A BRIT....CALL THEM UP AND START TELLING THEM STUFF ABOUT WALT OR THE CAPSULE OR THE FRENCH CHICK. (THAT'LL MAKE 'EM SPILL THEIR TEA, EH?!)

POSSIBLE "ALIAS" BAD NEWS
The Rumour Mill's circling, and circling, and circling, with news that Jennifer Garner (in addition to a certain male cast member who has, indeed, already quit EDITOR'S NOTE: OH NO...VARTAN?) is about to quit TV's "Alias".

Apparently Ms Garner will be gone by the next season, and in her place will be a new female star - Rachel Nichols, whose character will be introduced this season. EDITOR'S NOTE: LET'S SEE IF THIS NEW, FRENCH CHICK IS ANY GOOD. THE SHOW-RUNNERS HAVE BEEN PRETTY GOOD AT CASTING SO FAR, SO WE SHOULD GIVE THEM THE INITIAL BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT? HARD TO IMAGINE THE SHOW WITHOUT MICHAEL AND SYDNEY, THOUGH.

Kelley dramedy targets a.m. TV
Hot off the yellow legal pad of David E. Kelley is a pilot script that has generated considerable buzz around town. Sources said the project is an hourlong dramedy in the "Ally McBeal" vein set behind the scenes at a network TV morning show. EDITOR'S NOTE: JUST WHEN I THOUGHT IT WAS SAFE....DAVID KELLEY IS BACK. CAN'T KEEP THAT MAN AWAY FROM MY TV WITH A BIG STICK. SIGH.....

TNT adds 'Grace' to originals
TNT is in a state of "Grace," ordering the hourlong series pilot from Spelling Television.

"Grace" is a supernatural-tinged drama about a jaded police officer who encounters an angel who offers her an opportunity to redeem her life.

Executive producers are Aaron Spelling, E. Duke Vincent and Nancy Miller ("CSI: Miami"), who is writing the pilot.

"Grace" is expected to be the first of a handful of pilot orders TNT will make in anticipation of picking a few as series follow-ups to its recent original drama additions "The Closer" and "Wanted." Spelling TV produces "Wanted" with Jorge Zamacona ("Homicide: Life on the Street"). EDITOR'S NOTE: TNT IS RAPIDLY BECOMING ONE OF MY TOP CABLE CHANNELS. ORIGINAL DRAMAS! WOOHOO!! (I MIGHT NEVER HAVE TO GET A REAL LIFE OF MY OWN. THANK GOODNESS!)

HBO adds to 'Sopranos' order
HBO confirmed Thursday that eight additional episodes of "The Sopranos" will be produced in addition to the 12 already ordered for the sixth season.

The bonus batch will air in January 2007; the sixth season is scheduled to launch in March 2006.

"Sopranos" is a production of HBO Entertainment, Brad Grey Television and Chase Films.

"We are all looking forward to spending more time with 'The Sopranos,'" said Brad Grey, executive producer of the series EDITOR'S NOTE: OH GOLLY, NOT I. I JUST REPORT IT; DON'T MAKE WE WATCH THIS STUFF.

Nunez to be 'perfect foil' for 'Joey'
Miguel A. Nunez Jr. is set to step into the role of the new character on NBC's comedy series "Joey."

He will portray an actor whom Joey (Matt LeBlanc) befriends and who becomes a "perfect foil for Joey -- he'll be a friend, and he'll also get him in trouble," executive producer Kevin Bright said.

Bright said the character was designed to fill a role on the show that had helped drive the success of NBC's "Friends," the series from which "Joey" was spun off.

"The thing missing was the camaraderie that Joey had on 'Friends' with Chandler and Ross," he said. "He needed a peer he can hang out with and share things with. (The character also will) broaden the landscape and give (Joey) more places to go and more places to be funny.” EDITOR'S NOTE: TOO LATE. NO ONE CARES.

Isn't it about time we had some STAR WARS stuff?!

EDITOR'S NOTE: YES. YES IT IS.

FIRST, A FUNNY SENT ALONG BY STALWART-AND-NOBLE DWEEBPAL CHEWYANDY. HERE'S YOUR CHANCE TO LAUGH ALONG WITH DARTH VADER. HOW OFTEN DO YOU GET THAT OFFER, EH?!:

www.sithsense.com/flash.htm

Sweet Vader Corn Maze

14WFIE has sponsored a fantastic new Star Wars themed corn maze.

For the past two years, we've partnered with Goebel Farms to bring you a challenging adventure that puts you 'in the corn.' What begins as a mere cornfield, is transormed into a an image to behold - and a maze.

Using a GPS system, and a handheld computer, an image is 'traced' into the crop with a lawnmower.

This year, the maze is five-and-one-half acres in size

The 2005 theme is "Star Wars" and the maze depicts Anakin Skywalker as he becomes Darth Vader.

The Maze was drawn from the poster and logo on the right in the picture below.

EDITOR'S NOTE: NOT SURE WHERE THIS IS. NO DOUBT IOWA, OR SOME OTHER CORN'Y PLACE LIKE THAT.

AND JUST WHEN YOU THINK YOU ARE THE MOST PATHETIC DWEEB IN THE UNIVERSE, SOMEBODY COMES ALONG WHO IS WAY WAY WAY SILLIER THAN YOU. (NOT YOU, ODDBOB. YOU ARE THE SILLIEST. BUT THE REST OF US, I MEAN).

"See Sith Again" Winner - It's All About the Movie
August 09, 2005
Star Wars Movie Fan Byron Crystal Sees Revenge of the Sith Again...and Again...and Again
Before New Yorker Byron Crystal had a chance to read about the "See Episode III Again Sweepstakes" on starwars.com, he had an Inbox full of emails from excited friends who were eager to tell him about the contest.

"You see," says Crystal, "while many fans have something that's their 'thing,' be it costuming, fan fiction, collecting, etc., my 'thing' is repeat viewing. And it has been more so with Revenge of the Sith being the last prequel."

When Crystal sent his email notice to Bantha Tracks to enter the contest on July 5, he had already seen Sith 58 times, and was headed out to view it for the 59th soon after he hit the "send" button.

During the contest period, which ran from June 10 through July 4, he saw the film 29 times. An avid collector of his ticket stubs since the Special Editions, Crystal chose to mail in charge slips, and also sent a photograph of the actual ticket stubs.

EDITOR'S NOTE: EXHIBIT 'A'.

A fan since 1977, Crystal first saw Star Wars when he was 8 years old.

"I'd spend all my allowance on bargain matinees, and often see the movie twice or even three times a day during the summer," he recalls. "For me, clearly, Star Wars is all about the movies."
According to Crystal, his repeat viewings became a whole new sport with the prequels.

He committed to watching The Phantom Menace in the theater every day for the first month of its run. Some days near the beginning of the run he went multiple times each day.

"It's always been easy in the first weeks of the run to find friends who are seeing the movie more than once a day," says Crystal. "But by the end of the month, you're more or less on your own." EDITOR'S NOTE: YES.....I WOULD IMAGINE SO.... (SO MANY WAYS TO MAKE FUN HERE. I'M LIKE A DEER IN THE HEADLIGHTS WITH QUIP-USS INTERUPTUS).

Crystal notes that he watched The Phantom Menace at theaters all over town, but with the release of Attack of the Clones in 2002 he decided that DLP (Digital Light Processing) projection would be the factor that determined where he saw the film. The Ziegfeld Theatre in New York was his favorite place, and he repeated his Episode I goal of watching the movie at least once a day for the first month.

"Everyone here loved the movie and there was lots of company right away for multiple viewings a day in the first few weeks," recalls Crystal. "But a group of us went far beyond that, seeing the movie a few times a week until July, when the run at the Zieg ended after seven weeks."

After that, the group chased the old-fashioned print showings all over town until the run "ended quietly on one little screen of a Times Square multiplex" in September. Crystal topped out at over 100 viewings and stopped counting. EDITOR'S NOTE: DID HE END UP DOING A SORT OF 'ROCKY HORROR' THING? SHOUTING OUT THE LINES BEFORE THEY ARE SAID ON THE SCREEN? (HE MUST HAVE GRIEVOUS NIGHTMARES?)

"Luckily the IMAX release was only a few weeks away," he laughs. EDITOR'S NOTE: BUT BUT BUT...WHEN DID HE HAVE TIME TO DATE?! (SNORT).

Crystal learned that Revenge of the Sith would only run five weeks at the Ziegfeld, and decided to extend his one month of daily viewing to all five weeks on the Zieg's impressive DLP setup.

"After all, this was the optimal way to see the movie," he says. "When you see it on such a huge screen in DLP with perfect sound, you see and hear things you can never isolate on a film print at a multiplex-sized screen. This was the last new Star Wars movie and I was going to gobble up all the Star Wars there was to see!" EDITOR'S NOTE: MY TV IS DLP, BY THE WAY. JUST THOUGHT I'D SHARE......

As of this Bantha Tracks edition Crystal is still going every day. He's not sure if he'll keep it up, or taper off his viewings, but he's waiting to decide. With tomorrow's trip to the theater on August 10, he will have watched Revenge of the Sith 100 times.

"One thing is sure," he concludes, "my thumbnail review that I give to people who tag along with me to the movie and wonder what it's like after so many viewings: 'Movie still good.'"EDITOR'S NOTE: SEE WHAT ALL THAT LISTENING TO UNCLE G DIALOGUE HAS DONE? HIM TALK FUNNY. (SORRY UNCLE G...SORRYSORRY)

Bantha Tracks: How do you rate Revenge of the Sith compared to the other Star Wars movies?

Byron Crystal: "It's always hard to rank favorites among the six episodes. The two trilogies are really such different animals for me. But Revenge of the Sith is certainly a keystone and my favorite of the prequel trilogy."

BT: What is the best seat in the Ziegfeld?

BC: "I decided to map my viewing, taking note of the seat numbers and writing on the backs of each of my stubs. M107 is the best seat in the house. It's the center of the orchestra. Row M is the best row, but K and L aren't too shabby either." EDITOR'S NOTE: I WAS JUST KIDDING EARLIER. NOW, I'M REALLY GETTING FRIGHTENED.

BT: Favorite scenes?

BC: "Anakin's turn in Palpatine's office was fantastic. We really got to see the relationship between Anakin and the Emperor form in Episode III. And I was so glad that we got to see how Darth Vader was Darth Vader independent of the suit and the helmet. My favorite single scene is the Jedi Purge. The ruin of the Jedi at the hands of Vader is something we've heard about since the beginning - I was really glad that we got to see it without any punches pulled. And with the clones turning on the Jedi throughout the galaxy, it was fantastic to watch Palpatine's trap snap shut."

BT: Any scenes during which you might duck out to the concession stand?

BC: "Well, as a rule, I never leave during any portion of the movie, even at non-Star Wars movies. But if I had to pick, I'd probably go during the hallway scene between Obi-Wan and Anakin in the Jedi Temple, right after Anakin's appointed to the Council. I really like the dialogue scenes and the exposition is all necessary. But after this many viewings, it's a scene I'd miss the least and stand a chance of getting back before getting that first glimpse of a Wookiee on the clone army's launch pad."

BT: Have you had time to read the novelization by Matt Stover, and if so, what did you think?BC: I actually have. The novelization is interesting, but I take it strictly as expanded universe. For me, the story of Star Wars is one told on film, first and foremost. That said, it is interesting to explore possible back stories and motivations in the book and to get a glimpse of things that didn't make it into the movie. My favorite of those is Yoda's conversation with Qui-Gon Jinn's Jedi ghost on Polis Massa. Guess we'll have to keep our fingers crossed to see if that makes the DVD!"EDITOR'S NOTE: THIS MIGHT BE ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF THE MONKEY TYPING SHAKESPEARE, BUT AMEN! AND FROM HIS MOUTH TO UNCLE G'S EARS!

AND HERE'S THE HOT DUDE, HIMSELF. (SUBTITLED...'I'D DATE A NICE DWEEB, BUT THEY ALL LOOK LIKE THIS')

EDITOR'S NOTE: A COUPLE OF ITEMS ABOUT THAT "ONE MAN STAR WARS" WE'VE HEARD ABOUT FROM TIME TO TIME ----

Geeks, Get Out Your Light Sabers! Impostor Alert

EDITOR'S NOTE: 'DWEEBS', PLEASE.

Charles Ross, who admits that he does not possess half the "Star Wars" knowledge held by many of his audience members.

By ROBERT SIMONSON
Published: July 31, 2005

"My Yoda sucks, absolutely sucks," said Charles Ross while sitting in the front row of the Lamb's Theater, where his solo show "One Man Star Wars Trilogy" will have its New York debut on Tuesday. "But, you know something? I don't care. If I'm going to sit there and mull over the fact that I can't do a certain voice, then what's the point of even trying?"

These are brave words, coming from a man who has performed for several Darth Vaders and Boba Fetts, and has had Storm Troopers usher for him. (These last were members of the 501st Legion, a worldwide club of zealots who proudly wear their own "Star Wars" costumes.) EDITOR'S NOTE: THE WORD 'ZEALOT' MAKES IT SOUND LIKE A BAD THING?

But, apparently, the legions of "Star Wars" geeks EDITOR'S NOTE: AHEM...DWEEBS.... who have lined up across Canada and the United States to see Mr. Ross enact every character, musical theme and sound effect found in Episodes IV through VI of the George Lucas sci-fi series have been very accepting.

"You'd think these people would be in need of medication," he said. "But I guarantee you that a lot of them are extremely intelligent and well employed. No one's been crazy to my face. I did get one e-mail from a guy that said the fact that I do this show is evidence of the coming of the apocalypse. I didn't realize the end of the world would work out so well for me."

Mr. Ross, 31, looks like the last person you'd expect to create a 58-minute homage to Luke, Leia and Obi-Won Kenobi.

He's poised, with a deep voice and tall, blond good looks. And modest: he freely admits that he does not possess half the "Star Wars" knowledge held by many of his audience members. "I don't remember all the lines from 'Star Wars,' " he confessed.

What he does recall was soldered to his brain at the impressionable age of 8. At that time, his father had moved the family from Prince George, British Columbia, to an isolated 27-acre farm.

"We didn't have much in the way of TV," Mr. Ross said. "We had just two stations, and they were really dry, government-funded stations."

To relieve the boredom, he'd start every morning by popping in a video of "Stars Wars" he had taped off television. Before his parent realized it, he had watched the movie more than 400 times.

He was confident enough in his youthful memories that he felt no need to revisit the movies when years later, as a frustrated actor working the Canadian theater circuit, he came up with the idea of a condensed stage version of the first trilogy.

"I wasn't going to the film and pulling out lines," he said. "I'd watched the other two" - "The Empire Strikes Back" and "Return of the Jedi" - "maybe 50 times each throughout my childhood, enough so I could remember it. Sometimes, I'd talk to a friend of mine who knew 'Star Wars' well, and ask him, 'Did that guy say the line this way or that way?' And he'd say, 'He said it that way.' Little idiosyncrasies of movement can impart a sense of truth. This is basically one big, long caricature of these films. It isn't the films."

Mr. Ross first performed the kinetic digest in Toronto in 2000, and for the last three years he has done little else (aside from bookings of "One Man Lord of the Rings," his follow-up invention).

His appearances were frequent enough to attract the attention of mighty Lucasfilm, which chose not to sue Mr. Ross, but instead invited him to perform at Celebration III, the April 21-24 Indianapolis "Star Wars" convention that heralded the advent of the final film in the series, "Episode III - Revenge of the Sith."EDITOR'S NOTE: BECAUSE UNCLE GEORGE IS A BENEVOLENT RULER. HE LOVES US AND WANTS US TO BE HAPPY.

He has pitched to Lucasfilm the idea of compressing and staging the second trio of movies. But whether that happens or not, he doesn't expect to play members of the Skywalker clan all his life.

After Ian McKellen took in "One Man Lord of the Rings" one night, the two actors met for lunch and bandied about the virtues of solo vehicles.

"We talked about his one-man shows, like 'Acting Shakespeare,' " recalled Mr. Ross. "He said: 'They're in the bag. You can do them anytime.' Except that this show will definitely have a shelf life, because my body will have a shelf life. It is the most punishing show I've ever done. I don't want to be some 60-year-old guy coming out and. ..." With that, he began to hum the "Stars Wars" theme. EDITOR'S NOTE: THIS WOULD BE BAD HOW?

Review: 'Star Wars' Goes Low-Tech Onstage
By JUSTIN BERGMANAssociated Press Writer
NEW YORK -- When George Lucas released the first of his three "Star Wars" prequel movies six years ago, some fans grumbled that the special effects masked a lack of character development and plot that took away from the heart of his original intergalactic fairy tale from the 1970s.

"Star Wars" purists will truly appreciate Charles Ross.

The Canadian actor, starring in the "One-man Star Wars Trilogy" at the Lamb's Theatre off-Broadway, brings Lucas' three original films back to life in about as low-tech a way as possible.

Ross embodies all the characters himself and provides his own sound effects for the lightsabers, space ships and lasers -- cramming all three films into an hour's worth of high-energy, often immensely comical entertainment.

Ross is a self-described "Star Wars" geek EDITOR'S NOTE: ........ who has acknowledged seeing the first film in the series some 400 times (it seems likely it was even more).

His impersonations, therefore, are dead-on, particularly his chirpy, robotic C-3PO, his whistling R2-D2 and his very James Earl Jonesian Darth Vader.

Even casual fans of the movies will recognize some of the more obscure references, such as his take on the long-legged AT-AT Walkers that attack the Rebels on the planet of Hoth in "The Empire Strikes Back."

However, for those who haven't seen the movies, beware. You will be lost. EDITOR'S NOTE: BUT THEN, THE FACT THAT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THESE MOVIES MEANS YOU WERE LOST ALREADY.

Ross provides little in the way of narration to accompany his lightning-paced re-creations of the movies, so plot lines sometimes blur and characters seem to morph into one another.

Also, in his zeal to make the action scenes lifelike, he occasionally comes off as a tiresome, "look-at-me-watch-me-now!" child, with exploding bombs and whizzing lasers combining to create an awful cacophony.

This is really a minor complaint, though.

For all the screeching and diving on the floor, there are equal measures of cutting satire that only a self-professed "Star Wars" geek could write.

Ross is especially brutal in his impersonation of Mark Hamill's Luke Skywalker, turning him into an overly earnest, slightly prissy anti-hero. Princess Leia is a clueless shrew. And Han Solo is clearly oversexed, grabbing his crotch and saying "Schwing!" (one of Mike Myers' famous lines from "Wayne's World") when he kisses the princess. EDITOR'S NOTE: OH HEAVENS. SOUNDS SOPHOMORIC AND DERISIVE, DOESN'T IT? SHAME.

Ross plays up the sometimes corny dialogue from the movies. He throws in his own lines at times, including the observation Luke makes when Darth Vader (whose voice was provided by black actor James Earl Jones in the films) finally takes off his helmet and reveals himself to his son: "I thought you were black," Luke says deadpan.

Were it not for moments such as these, the "One-man Star Wars Trilogy" would probably have difficulty rising beyond being a novelty piece.

If anything, a retrospective look at such a pop culture phenomenon almost demands more satire to maintain its interest. After all, it reinforces that film characters that have reached iconic status are also fallible -- sometimes badly written and overacted. EDITOR'S NOTE: OH BITE ME. (SATIRE WITH LOVE, OR GO AWAY).

A COUPLE OF NEWS/BUSINESSY ITEMS -----

Lucasfilm taps marketerKatz to head all global marketing initiatives

By DAVID S. COHEN, SCOTT HETTRICK
Lucasfilm has hired Joshua Katz, an exec with experience in numerous cable network rebranding campaigns, as head of marketing.

Katz, who'll relocate from St. Louis to San Francisco, will carry the title of vice president and report to senior VP Jim Ward.

He will head all global marketing initiatives, including games and the still-anticipated "Indiana Jones IV," and the 30th anniversaries of ILM and "Star Wars" in 2007. EDITOR'S NOTE: OOO...YEAH. I FORGOT ABOUT #30 COMING UP. I BET THERE'LL BE SOME GOOD DARNED DWEEBING IN 2007! WHOHOO!!! SOMETHING TO LIVE FOR!!

But Katz confirmed that his appointment is part of the company's ongoing shift toward TV production (Daily Variety, Aug. 2).

Katz said that while he expects there will still be Lucasfilm features, including "Indy IV" and Lucas' future projects, "We have to stop being just a movie studio and have to move to being a television and movie studio."

Lucas has said there are two "Star Wars" skeins in development, one live action and one 3-D animation.

"Star Wars" is "at the heart of this company, and I can't envision a time when it isn't the central rod that keeps us going," said Katz.

He said his challenge, though, will be to establish that Lucasfilm is more than "a two-trick pony" with "Star Wars" and "Indiana Jones."

"I don't think Lucasfilm has worried about a corporate identity. I think we have to think about that and an identity that stands separate from 'Star Wars.' "

Since 1998, Katz has run a consulting practice, the Halo Effect, which helped reshape the Court TV and BBC America nets.

He was previously a senior VP of marketing at VH1, where he led a rebranding effort for the net. He was also part of the launch team for Cartoon Network.

Lucasfilm Changed Media Plan for ROTS

We found an article that sounded interesting on Broadcasting Cable. It talks about how Lucasfilm agreed to change its media plan for Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith, keeping ads for the movie out of TV shows whose primary audience is age 2-11. The Children's Advertising Review Unit (CARU) of the Better Business Bureau was involved at one point and it sounds like a wise decision was made to make sure a movie that restricted the audience should have commercials that follow the same ideal.

This press release was issued last month:

The Children’s Advertising Review Unit (CARU) of the Council of Better Business Bureaus, the children's advertising industry's self-regulatory forum, is pleased to announce that in response to CARU’s concerns, Lucasfilm, Inc. has committed that future advertising for films rated PG-13 will not run during programming that CARU considers to be child-targeted.

A television commercial for the film Star Wars Episode III, Revenge of the Sith, rated PG-13 by the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA), came to CARU’s attention through its routine monitoring. The referenced advertisement was shown during Cartoon Network programs “Ed, Ed and Eddy, “The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy” and “Teen Titans” which all, according to Nielsen ratings, have audiences composed of over 50% children ages 2-11

The MPAA ratings provide guidance for responsible parents who want to make informed choices regarding their children’s viewing habits.

CARU found that the placement of the referenced advertisement during children’s time was in violation of its Self-Regulatory Guidelines for Children’s Advertising which provide, “Products and content inappropriate for use by children should not be advertised or promoted directly to children”.

The advertiser stated, “While Lucasfilm disagrees with CARU's findings, it respects the self regulatory process and will follow CARU's suggestions in media plans for the theatrical release of Star Wars Episode III- Revenge of the Sith.”

CARU's inquiry was conducted under NAD/NARB/CARU Procedures for Voluntary Self-Regulation of National Advertising.Details of the inquiry, CARU's decision and the advertiser's response will be included in the next NAD/CARU Case Report. Members of the press who wish to see a copy of the decision should email lbean@narc.bbb.org EDITOR'S NOTE: CONSIDERING MY 8-YEAR-OLD NIECE WANTS TO BE DARTH VADER SINCE SEEING ROTS, I'M THINKIN THE KIDS ARE ALRIGHT. NOT TO WORRY CARU.

THIS NEXT ONE IS ALL THAT NEW. BUT A FEW INTERESTING TIDBITS IMPARTED ----

BRAVING THE PREQUEL PATH
With the successful release of Star Wars: Episode III Revenge of the Sith, filmmaker George Lucas says that he hopes this extensive backstory of Anakin Skywalker's transformation to the iconic figure of Darth Vader will influence fans' future viewings of the original trilogy. EDITORS' NOTE: IT DO IT DO!!!

"When I finished with Return of the Jedi I thought that was the end of it," Lucas confesses. "I thought I was going to go and raise my kids, then I'll come back and direct little artsy movies that I always wanted to do. So by the time my kids were old enough where I could go back and direct, I realized that I could tell the story the way I wanted to. And I thought it might be interesting to tell a story that changes and influences the way the first three films are viewed because it really is about Darth Vader, and not about Luke and Leia. And that would be more apparent when you see what the backstory really was." EDITOR'S NOTE: SO WHAT GOT HIM HOT TO GO ON THE PREQUELS WAS THE OPPORTUNITY TO MESS WITH OUR MINDS! (OH YOU NAUGHTY THING, UNCLE G!)

However, in telling the backstory the way he felt was best, Lucas had to take what he regards as risks with the prequels.

"The first trilogy -- Book One -- is about the father, while the second trilogy -- Book Two -- is about the children," Lucas says. "When you combine them together they become one big piece. When I told people that Episode I was about a ten-year-old boy, people panicked, and they said it wasn't going to work because everyone wanted to see Darth Vader going around and killing people. But I really wanted to be thorough about telling the story about where Darth Vader came from. When I did the second film, people were mortified that it was going to be a love story. But we got through both of those films, and people were excited for Episode III to see the rest of the story."

One of the larger issues that surfaced in the telling of Anakin's fall to the dark side and his rise to becoming a corrupt figure was that of the fall of democracy at the hands of the very people who initially fought oppression.

"You have the personal issue of Anakin and his turn to the dark side, but then the children later bring him back to being a human being," Lucas says. "But the larger issue is that you've given up your democracy, and that the bad guys never took it -- it was handed to them. That theme was there 30 years ago which came out of the Vietnam War and Nixon wanting to change the rules so he could get a third term."

"I'm a big history buff and I was really into Caesar at the time," Lucas recalls. "

I always wanted to know why the Roman Senate gave Caesar's nephew a dictatorship after they had gotten rid of Caesar. Why after the revolution in France did they create an Emperor? Why did the Germans after they had a Democracy after World War I, turn it into a dictatorship? Those were my initial questions 30 years ago." EDITOR'S NOTE: BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE....NO OFFENSE TO MY BELOVED LAMBIES....SHEEP.

I LOVE THE EXPANDED UNIVERSE -----
Prepare to Take Evasive Action
From October 2004 through June 2005, Hyperspace members were able to get a daily fix of pre-Episode III story-telling through the Reversal of Fortune webstrip written by Paul Ens and illustrated by Tom Hodges. Those adventures continue into the post-Episode III era in Evasive Action: Recruitment.

Evasive Action is the new masthead title for the on-going adventures of Jedi Padawans Drake Lo'gaan, Zonder and Ekria -- three young survivors of Order 66 on Felucia.

The galaxy is no longer a friendly place for a Jedi, fully trained or not. The teenagers are faced with not only fugitive status, but also decisions about what to do with their lives now that everything they've been trained for is gone.

Darth Vader, still relatively new to the suit, is also finding his way leading "his new Empire" in Recruitment.

"I found it interesting during the writing process that the internal playback in my head kept switching back and forth between the voices of actors Hayden Christensen and James Earl Jones for the Vader dialog," says Ens. "The prequel trilogy has clearly been successful in driving that connection into my subconscious." EDITOR'S NOTE: YES. ROTS CHANGED EVERYTHING.

"Reversal of Fortune was a challenge and a thrill to craft because not only was it a tale setting up memorable on-screen action, but I also deliberately intertwined it as tightly as possible with the Labyrinth of Evil novel, the Clone Wars cartoon and the first half of Revenge of the Sith," recalls Ens. "Conversations and action would pick up or overlap by two seconds here and there with the other sources. It was greatly inspired by tales like Back to the Future II and 'Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead'."

Beyond the upcoming novel Dark Lord: The Rise of Darth Vader, the timeline immediately following Episode III has not yet been firmly solidified in the Star Wars expanded universe, so the creative team is also looking to other sources for a regular stream of the kind of inside "Easter eggs" that intrigued the fans of Reversal of Fortune.

"Obviously there are assumptions and extrapolations from the fall-out of the end of the Clone Wars and creation of a new Empire," Ens explains, "but Recruitment will touch upon threads from all over the EU map including Attack of the Clones, Dark Empire, bounty hunter comics, video games and solid nods to some of the earlier roleplaying game material."

Hodges has also adapted his distinctive style to match the darker tone of Recruitment. "I am working a little differently on this strip," says Hodges. "Instead of using standard Bristol Board Paper, I'm using Cold Press Illustration Board and I won't be adding the gray tones in PhotoShop, but by hand. I think it gives more emotion to it. It also helps bring the story into the darker, used universe that Episode III introduced and was continued into the Original Trilogy. Vader is still a young man, but early on, you'll see why he's so feared throughout the galaxy."

"Also don't expect Ekria, Drake and Zonder to look the same. I've 'steamlined' Zonder to look more along what I originally intended on Reversal, Ekria is starting to become a young woman and Drake is, well, a teenage boy who thinks he's invincible."

Hyperspace members should look for Evasive Action: Recruitment to begin August 1 joining three other on-going daily strips. EDITOR'S NOTE: OK. I'M A HYPERSPACE MEMBER (TOUCH ME). BUT I DON'T REMEMBER SEEING A LINK FOR ANY OF THESE STRIPS. HAS ANYONE READ THEM? (THEY SOUND GREAT. I MUST SEARCH THEM OUT).

Troy Denning Builds a Dark Nest
August 09, 2005
Last month, the latest Star Wars novel moved beyond the epic events of The New Jedi Order with the paperback release of Dark Nest I: The Joiner King by Troy Denning.

In this brief essay, Denning discusses the challenges of building a new trilogy in the shadow of the epic events that shook up the galaxy. EDITOR'S NOTE: WAIT A MINUTE....LAST MONTH?I'M BEHIND?! EEK. I WAS SO HOT TO GET HP6, I'VE MISSED A STAR WARS BOOK?!!! (I AM NOT WORTHY, I AM NOT WORTHY.....)

It is a perilous time for the Galactic Alliance. The war against the brutal Yuuzhan Vong has been won, but trillions of beings -- including the mighty Chewbacca and young Anakin Solo -- have perished. Countless worlds have been destroyed EDITOR'S NOTE: ITHOR, WE HARDLY KNEW YE...SNIFFLE..., and the galaxy is teeming with homeless refugees whom the fledgling government cannot afford to feed....

When Del Rey asked me to write a trilogy of Star Wars novels featuring the classic heroes -- Princess Leia, Han Solo, and Luke Skywalker -- I knew I had a tough act to follow.

The New Jedi Order had just ended a tremendous run, introducing a sense of danger and gritty realism into the Star Wars universe that put the fate of even major characters into play. If Chewbacca could die (in R.A. Salvatore's Vector Prime), and Anakin Solo could die (in my own Star by Star), then anyone could die.

The galaxy had changed forever.

But The New Jedi Order was also the longest, most intense series of Star Wars novels ever written, and the readers -- as well as the heroes -- needed a break.

My story had to be something less than a galaxy-wide war, something on a smaller, less cataclysmic scale.

So my first decision was to make a clean break from the NJO. The story would start five years later, EDITOR'S NOTE: OH DEAR. DWEEBISH TREPIDATION. I HATE TIME GAPS. I WANT TO LIVE EVERY BLOOMIN MINUTE OF THEIR LIVES, DARNIT! with the Galactic Alliance well into its recovery. And that meant I had to develop a backstory for those five years, and decide how the galaxy had changed after the war.

The big questions were:
How was the recovery progressing? Given the gritty tone of the NJO, recovery couldn't be quick or easy. The Galactic Alliance had to be struggling to pull itself together. At the same time, the war had to mean something -- it had to have changed something fundamental about galactic civilization.

I decided that the Galactic Alliance would be blessed by a time of unprecedented peace, but plagued by a plethora of internal problems.

A secret cabal of Bothans would still be pursuing their species' genocidal ar'krai against the Yuuzhan Vong. EDITOR'S NOTE: OH THOSE WACKY BOTHANS!Pirates would abound, taking a grievous toll on Reconstruction Authority supplies, and dozens of criminal syndicates would be vying for control of the smuggling trade.

Most dangerous of all, corrupt megacorporations would be greasing palms in the Galactic Senate, using their wealth to steal entire worlds while billions of refugees languished in decrepit orbital cities. EDITOR'S NOTE: HMM....THAT SOUNDS SOMEWHAT FAMILIAR. WHERE HAVE WE HEARD ABOUT THIS BEFORE? OH. YEAH. 2005 AMERICA. (DUH)

How were the characters changed by the war? The Yuuzhan Vong invasion was unprecedented in its savagery, and its toll on the heroes was staggering both physically and emotionally. Clearly, the characters of the trilogy would need to be sadder and harder than before the war, less trusting and far more wary.

This would be especially true of Han and Leia, who lost both Chewbacca and their son Anakin to the enemy. It's often said that personal tragedy either draws a couple together or drives them apart, and breaking up the Solos is not an option. (Even after the NJO, some ideas remain off-limits.) So they would have to emerge from the war closer than ever, realizing that they have the strength to face anything -- as long as they are together. EDITOR'S NOTE: THANK HEAVENS. THOSE FEW BOOKS WHEN LEIA AND HAN WERE HAVING TROUBLES (AFTER CHEWBACCA DIED) WERE REALLY SAD.

How were the Jedi changed by the war? At the end of The New Jedi Order, Luke Skywalker voiced his dream of seeing the Jedi renounce mundane concerns to pursue a longer view of the Force. That's a great ending for a series, but it makes for a pretty dull space opera. So I knew the Jedi would be dragged back into the mundane, forced by the necessities of the moment to devote themselves to preserving the Galactic Alliance.

And it seemed very clear to me that they would be effective. The Jedi's battles against the Yuuzhan Vong had instilled in them an iron will to win, and the new view of the Force taught by Vergere -- the mysterious Knight from the Old Republic -- had made them more powerful than they ever dreamed possible.

But (at least from a storyteller's viewpoint) powerful characters are only interesting when they have big flaws. Fortunately, the NJO had provided a nice opening for me. The war had turned many Jedi cold and ruthless, and for others it had blurred the boundaries between right and wrong. It would not be a stretch to suggest that many Knights had started to care more about the success of a mission than whether it was justified... and that, of course, is the recipe for moral conflict. EDITOR'S NOTE: AND THIS DICHOTOMY IS EVEN CLEARER NOW SINCE WE'VE EXPERIENCED THE EVENTS LEADING UP TO AND THRU ROTS. HOW MUCH EASIER WAS IT TO BRING DOWN THE JEDI IN ROTS BECAUSE THEY WERE NOT ONLY DISTRACTED, BUT ALSO CORRUPTED BY THE CLONE WARS?

Once those questions had been answered, I had the central conflict for my trilogy (and -- as it turned out later -- also the foundation for the upcoming Legacy of the Force series -- but I can't talk about that now). EDITOR'S NOTE: OH YOU BIG TEASE!

As the first book opens, Luke Skywalker is unhappy with the Jedi order's role in propping up the Galactic Alliance, and he's growing increasingly worried as he watches many of his Knights start down a dark path from which they might never return. His fears mount when seven Knights -- all survivors of the ill-fated Myrkr operation -- answer a mysterious call for help and disappear into the Unknown Regions. Before long, their actions have embroiled the entire Jedi order in a precarious standoff -- one that might well plunge the galaxy back into war.

You'll find the rest in the pages of Dark Nest I: The Joiner King. I hope you enjoy the story!
Troy Denning
July 2005

EDITOR'S NOTE: I'M SURE I WILL! (GOING TO THE BOOKSTORE THIS WEEKEND!)

Inside The New Essential Chronology


EDITOR'S NOTE: COOL ART FROM THE ESSENTIAL CHRONOLOGY

Finally, the missing pieces from Star Wars history are in place. EDITOR'S NOTE: SIGH. SNIFFLE....

Episode III completes the cinematic Star Wars saga, the details of the Clone Wars are known, and the events of the The New Jedi Order epic have reached their dramatic conclusion.

Now readers can finally view the entirety of Star Wars lore, and the forthcoming Star Wars: The New Essential Chronolgy makes it all possible.

Written by Star Wars authority Daniel Wallace, with Kevin J. AndersonEDITOR'S NOTE: HACK., this newly expanded, full-color Chronology spans thousands of years of events, from the darkest days of the earliest Sith empires EDITOR'S NOTE: LOKIE LOOKIE GAMEMASTER DAVE! to the final moments of the Yuuzhan Vong crisis.

Many holes have since been filled since the publication of the first edition years ago, and this updated Chronology represents the perfect starting point for someone wanting to explore the full, rich history of Star Wars galaxy. It's also essential for avid readers who want to witness how the events connect and affect one another, and to find out what transpired between the books, comics, and videogames they already know.

This is not just an update.

It's a completely new book, now presented in full color with stunning new illustrations by Mark Chiarello, John Van Fleet, and Tommy Lee Edwards.

For the first time, this Essential Guide will be available as a hardcover, as well as trade paperback, for those who want to preserve this key moment in Star Wars history.

And the new Chronology will set the stage for the future of the Star Wars universe. Before the new Legacy era begins to chronicle the events yet to come, or the Dark Times fill in the moments of the past, immerse yourself in The New Essential Chronology and emerge fully versed in ever-growing, ever-intricate tapestry that is the expanded universe. EDITOR'S NOTE: AND WE DO SO LOVE OUR 'EVER-GROWING, EVER-INTRICATE TAPESTRY'. AHHHHH.....

Star Wars: The New Essential Chronology is due out on October 25 from Del Rey Books.

STUFF T BUY, STUFF TO BUY!! -----

Exclusive Star Wars Astromech Droid Action Figure Set

Entertainment Earth Hasbro Star Wars Exclusive!

This set of 2 individually packaged Astromech Droid Action Figure 5-Packs (that's 10 figures total) includes (subject to change):

Set #1: R3-T6, R3-T2, R2-C4, R4-A22, R2-Q2.

Set #2: R3-Y2, R2-M5, R2-A6, R4-E1, R2-X2.

You've never seen Droids like this before!

EDITOR'S NOTE: LOOK, SIR. DROIDS!

Never before made as toys, these new figures incorporate some of the finest Droid designs out of Hasbro and the engineers of Industrial Automaton.

Each droid has several points of articulation, with articulated "feet," moving domes, retractable third legs, and all sorts of light-up eyes, clear domes, and other features that bring these unique droids to life!

From the sands of Tatooine to the cool chrome ships of Naboo, these Droids populate the Star Wars Universe and make the saga happen. They calculate hyperspace jumps, maintain important equipment, beep, and provide the services people needed to survive the final days of the Galactic Republic and the entire duration of the Galactic Civil War-- and now they can help with your needs as an action figure collector!

Estimated ArrivalDecember 2005 Price: $74.99

Alter Ego Takes Pre-Orders for Anakin Skywalker Figure

Alter Ego Comics is taking pre-orders for the upcoming Kotobukiya Anakin Skywalker - REVENGE OF THE SITH vinyl model kit. The figure will ship in December 2005 and is priced at $84.99.

EDITOR'S NOTE: RANDOM PICS FOR YOUR VIEWING PLEASURE ---

EDITOR'S NOTE: GENERAL VEERS WAITING TO SEE VADER

EDITOR'S NOTE: Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen) watches as the gunship carrying Mace Windu and his team of Jedi departs to arrest Chancellor Palpatine.

EDITOR'S NOTE: WOOKIES ROCK!

EDITOR'S NOTE: GUNGAN ART.

EDITOR'S NOTE: KI-ADI MUNDI IS ABOUT TO DIE

EDITOR'S NOTE: BROTHER AND SISTER

EDITOR'S NOTE: ORDINARILY, I WRITE MY OWN CAPTIONS. BUT THIS ONE (FROM STARWARS.COM) WAS TOO GOOD NOT TO STEAL ---- "THE SWORD IN THE CLONE" (YES....ONCE AGAIN...UNCLE GEORGE LOVES US AND WANTS US TO LAUGH).

EDITOR'S NOTE: SO, CHEWYANDY.....WAS THAT ENOUGH? DID I SATIATE YOUR STAR WARS CRAVING? (CAUSE IF NOT, I CAN GO FIND MORE. YOU KNOW I CAN).

Friday Harry

EDITOR'S NOTE: I PROMISED DWEEBPAL CHEWYANDY SOME STAR WARS STUFF TODAY, AND I'M STILL HOPING TO KEEP MY WORD.

BUT THERE IS SO MUCH OTHER STUFF POPPING UP, I CAN'T HELP MYSELF BUT DIGRESS A BIT LONGER. (SORRY, CHEWYA).

FIRST UP, A WEE BIT MORE HARRY POTTERING -----

THIS FIRST ITEM IS EXTEMELY, DELICIOUSLY, DWEEBISHLY WONDERFUL:
Scholastic updates Pronunciation Guide
Scholastic.com has updated their Pronunciation Guide to include pronunciations for names, terms, spells and potions introduced in Half-Blood Prince.

http://scholastic.com/harrypotter/books/pronunciation/play.htm
EDITOR'S NOTE: I PERUSED JUST A WEE BIT AND ALREADY DISCOVERED SEVERAL THINGS I'VE BEEN SAYING INCORRECTLY. (IT'S 'ANI MAY JUS', FOR EXAMPLE. DID YOU KNOW THAT?!)

Harry Potter can teach children basic genetics
Nature.com has posted a fascinating article which explains how children as young as five can learn the concepts of mendelian genetics by using the idea of Muggle-born, pure- and half-blood in the Harry Potter world. EDITOR'S NOTE: SO...IT'S NOT SATANIC EVIL TURNING CHILDREN INTO DEMON SPAWN? (DRAT)

Wizards or witches can be of any race, and may be the offspring of a wizard and a witch, the offspring of two muggles ('muggle-born'), or of mixed ancestry ('half-blood').

This suggests that wizarding ability is inherited in a mendelian fashion, with the wizard allele (W) being recessive to the muggle allele (M).

According to this hypothesis, all wizards and witches therefore have two copies of the wizard allele (WW).

Harry's friends Ron Weasley and Neville Longbottom and his arch-enemy Draco Malfoy are 'pure-blood' wizards: WW with WW ancestors for generations back.

Harry's friend Hermione is a powerful muggle-born witch (WW with WM parents).

Their classmate Seamus is a half-blood wizard, the son of a witch and a muggle (WW with one WW and one WM parent).

Harry (WW with WW parents) is not considered a pure-blood, as his mother was muggle-born.
EDITOR'S NOTE: I'M HAVING 8TH-GRADE FRUIT-FLY FLASHBACKS (THANK YOU MR. MALINSKY, MAY YOU PARTY IN HEAVEN FOREVER). AND, SURPRISINGLY....IN A VERY GOOD WAY.

Entertainment Weekly's Fall Movie Guide and Goblet Preview
The new issue of Entertainment Weekly (out tomorrow) will contain their fall movie previews, and includes a look at Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. There are small new quotes from director Mike Newell, producer David Heyman, and actor Michael Gambon.

The preview reads:
" WE BEGIN WITH A SPOILER ALERT, BECAUSE even though it seems everyone in the world has bought a Harry Potter book, it would be rude to assume that everyone has read all of them and therefore may not want to know that in Warner Bros.'adaptation of J.K. Rowling's fourth novel, the teenage mage grows an unfashionably large handlebar mustache.

Okay, that doesn't happen. But what can we say about Goblet of Fire? "Well...I do a lot more running around than I did in the last one," says Gambon, back again as dear old Professor Dumbledore.

Actually, everyone is running around a lot more than they did in Prisoner of Azkaban.

Practically double the size of any Potter tome before it, and certainly more action packed, Fire chronicles Harry's participation in a wizarding tournament--while he's simultaneously unraveling a sinister conspiracy,discovering girls, and dodging creepy glances from a spooky new teacher named "Mad-Eye" Moody (Gleeson).

It's so epic, the studio considered splitting the story between two films. But Azkaban director Alfonso Cuaron, who took a more freewheeling adaptation approach, persuaded them to reconsider, even at the expense of cutting content. "He taught us you could really depart from the book in many ways," says producer David Heyman. "Alfonso always felt the ideas in Fire could only support one movie. The studio agreed."EDITOR'S NOTE: WHEN PUT THAT WAY...THAT EACH BOOK HAS CERTAIN 'IDEAS' TO PUT FORTH (AS OPPOSED TO SIMPLY PLOT POINTS), I GUESS I BEGRUDGINGLY AGREE WITH THE ONE-PIC DECISION. THEY ARE GOING TO HAVE TO CUT A LOT THOUGH. SURE WISH WISH WISH THEY'D GIVE US EXTENDED DVDS LIKE THEY DID WITH LOTR.

SIGH......

Thus, Hermione's attempts to liberate Hogwarts'indentured house elves--poof! Gone.

Fortunately, most of the book's memorable sequences have survived, including the World Cup of Quidditch match that opens the film and the grotesque rebirth of the nefarious Lord Voldemort (Fiennes) that closes it.

It all sounds very Steven Spielberg, though Newell tackled the material by asking What Would Hitchcock Do? "It's a bit like North by Northwest," says the director. "Cary Grant is the happy advertising guy...but that evil James Mason has plans for him." (FYI, in this equation, Grant is the one with the handlebar mustache.)NOV. 18 "EDITOR'S NOTE: I WONDER IF NEWELL USED THAT ANALOGY WITH THE GOF KIDS? AND GOT COMPLETELY BLANK STARES IN RESPONSE? (WITH THE POSSIBLE EXCEPTION OF DANIEL RADCLIFFE, WHO I GATHER IS NOT A REAL CHILD, BUT SOME SORT OF SHORT, VERY WELL-PRESERVED OLD MAN)

New 'Goblet of Fire' picture
Entertainment Weekly's article on the Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire movie features a brand new picture showing Harry, Moody, Dumbledore, Karkaroff with Crouch, Cedric and Fleur in the background. EDITOR'S NOTE: IF THEY KEEP FEEDING US PICTURES EVERY WEEK, WE MIGHT JUST BE ABLE TO SURVIVE TILL 11/18 WHEN THE MOVIE IS RELEASED. (THANK HEAVENS WE HAVE ROTS COMING OUT EARLIER IN NOVEMBER TO BREAK THE MONOTONY OF THIS WAITING. OF COURSE, THEN NOVEMBER ENDS UP BEING TORN BETWEEN TWO FRANCHISES YET AGAIN!)

This picture looks to be set in the room off the Great Hall after the Triwizard Champions are announced

Friday isn't just about happy news

EDITOR'S NOTE: A QUICK BIT OF SAD NEWS, I'M AFRAID. A BIG ACTOR IN ONE OF MY FAVORITE LITTLE FILMS PASSED AWAY -----

Gentle Giant from BIG FISH Dies
Matthew McGrory, the 7-foot-plus tall actor, who played a gentle giant in BIG FISH has died of apparent natural causes. He was 32.

The actor, who had a shoe size of 29, also had parts in BUBBLE BOY, MEN IN BLACK II, HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES and most recently as "Tiny" in Rob Zombies' THE DEVIL'S REJECTS.

EDITOR'S NOTE: R.I.P. MR. MCGRORY.

ADDENDUMS AND CORRECTIONS

EDITOR'S NOTE: IT TURNS OUT OUR LOVELY LITTLE DWEEBLETTER ISN'T QUITE A COMPLETE VOICE IN THE WILDERNESS. AN OFF-THE-CUFF SNARKY BIT THE OTHER DAY GOT AN EDIFYING RESPONSE FROM ONE OF THE ACTUAL PARTIES INVOLVED.

SNARK IS ONE THING, BUT WE STILL ENDEAVOUR TO BE FAIR-AND-BALANCED HERE AT THE DWEEBLETTER. (NO...REALLY. NOT THE FOX FAIR-AND-BALANCED, BUT THE GENUINE KIND).

SO I PROMISED THE AGRIEVED AUTHOR REFERRED TO IN OUR DWEEBING THAT I WOULD POST HIS COMMENTS.

FIRST...HERE'S THE ORIGINAL POSTED ITEM FROM WEDNESDAY'S DWEEBLETTER -

DA VINCI CODE is Cleared
On Friday, it was announced that Dan Brown has won a court ruling against author Lewis Perdue who claimed his book THE DA VINCI CODE copied elements from two of his books.

The suit was for $150 million in damages.Perdue had claimed CODE infringed on the copyright of his novels DAUGHTER OF GOD and THE DA VINCI LEGACY, and that Brown had copied the basic premis of DAUGHTER.

The N.Y. judge presiding over the case stated "a reasonable average lay observer would not conclude that 'The Da Vinci Code' is substantially similar to 'Daughter of God'." EDITOR’S NOTE: OF COURSE THE ‘REASONABLE AVERAGE LAY OBSERVER’ CAN’T READ.

AND HERE'S THE EMAIL FROM MR. PERDUE:

Actually, the DVCode was _not_ Cleared.

Dan Brown won a round, but the case is far from over.

The headlines were wrong that the judge has cleared The Da Vinci Code of copyright infringement issues or that the issue has been settled.

Contrary to the headlines, Judge Daniels did not "acquit" Brown, but quite to the contrary, acknowledged that there were many similarities in the setting, plot and characters, in other words the key ideas making up my books.

However, in one of those interesting quirks of law, he found that Brown's expression of the ideas was different and, therefore, that in the legal meaning of the word he had not plagiarized.

We believe the evidence the Judge improperly excluded from consideration proves that my expression was infringed upon, not merely my ideas.

There has been no trial on the issues.

What occurred exploits a quirk in American copyright infringement law whereby all facts and expert witness testimony can be excluded from consideration. This quirk is the "lay reader" test which says that the judgement relies on the gut-level response of an average reader as to whether similarity exists or not.

Ironically, the controversy with Da Vinci Code began with average "lay" readers – strangers who sent me unsolicited emails saying they felt I had been plagiarized. While this is a self-selected population, those who feel I have been plagiarized run approximately 10-to-1 in my favor.

This indicates there is a substantial legal question to be addressed.

But NONE of those true, average "lay" readers – many of whom were identified in our legal briefs --counted. Only one reader counted in this case: Judge George Daniels who obviously fell into that 1-in-10 category.

Because of that, I did not get a trial.

Justice demands that a jury hear the evidence.

The summary judgment process has an admirable goal: to keep frivolous lawsuits from clogging up the courts. However, as my legal team amply demonstrated with expert testimony and hundreds of solid examples of fact and similarity, this legal action is well-founded on fact, raises substantial unresolved issues and deserves a trial.

The Second Circuit Court of Appeals has been clear on the following issues:
(1) Summary judgement should NOT be granted unless there is "no genuine issue of material fact."
(2) The Court should, "resolve all ambiguities and draw all inferences in favor of the non-moving party." I am the "non-moving party."
(3) A motion of summary judgement should NOT be a decision on whether copyright infringement has taken place. "

Clearly, the duty of a court on a motion for summary judgment is to determine whether there are any genuine issues of material fact to be resolved by trial and not to decide factual issues."
(More details about this as well as the case citation can be accessed on my blog. http://davincicrock.blogspot.com/2005/05/2nd-circuit-appeals-court-decision.html

Thus, I believe Judge Daniels erred in his decision.

In addition, item (3), above, makes it clear that the Judge's decision should not be considered a decision on the merits of whether copyright infringement has taken place.

Furthermore, I have never claimed to have copyrighted a notion, a fact, a plot, a bit of history, an idea or any other nonsense.

This quote from the judge's decision is totally false:"Perdue alleged that Brown copied the basic premise of Daughter of God, including notions that history is controlled by victors, not losers, and the importance of the Roman Emperor Constantine inrequiring a transition from a female- to a male-dominated religion."

Just totally incorrect. Take a look for yourself at the original legal papers (including the expert witness reports) filed with the court, at: and you'll see that "expression" is what was infringed and what this suit is about. http://www.davincilegacy.com/Infringement/

EDITOR'S NOTE: THE DWEEBLETTER SENDS ITS APOLOGIES TO MR. PERDUE FOR 'WEAPONIZING' PITH AT HIS EXPENSE. THIS ISN'T "FEAR FACTOR"; WE WANT TO HAVE FUN, BUT NOT BY CAUSING ANY SUFFERING TO BYSTANDERS. (EXCEPT ODDBOB, NATCH). WE'D ALSO LIKE TO OFFER MR. PERDUE CONDOLENCES ON HIS TRAVAILS, AND GOOD LUCK AND GOD SPEED IN HIS PURSUIT OF A JUST OUT-COME.

Wednesday, some Mishmashing

From Insult to Injury for THE ISLAND
The producers of PARTS: THE CLONUS HORROR (1979)EDITOR’S NOTE: NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH “MANOS, HANDS OF FATE”, I PRESUME? have filed suit against DreamWorks and Warner Bros. contending that THE ISLAND was based on their movie.



Myrl A. Schreibman and Robert S. Fiveson are requesting unspecified damages and part of the proceeds from the film. EDITOR’S NOTE: WHAT MAKES THEM THINK THERE WILL BE ‘PROCEEDS’? WE HAD A GROUP OF 4 LAST WEEKEND, WHICH I THINK BRINGS THE GROSS UP TO (LET’S SEE……4 TIMES 8 EQUALS….UMMM…..)…….

CLONUS is the story of a place called Clonus, EDITOR’S NOTE: CLEVER TITLE….where nothing occurs by chance and everyone will die by the horror of freezing to be used later for their body parts.

It is the story of the accidental love affair of Richard and Lena, who are unwitting clones, not people, and of the doctors and guides and their lies and surveillance. But most of all, it is the story of Richard who uncovers the truth and plots his escape.

Besides various similarities between the two films, the producers claim there are also "specific characterizations," "specific lines," "shot compositions" and "sequencing" in THE ISLAND. EDITOR’S NOTE: I ACTUALLY KINDA LIKED THE FILM (IN A BRAINLESS, IT-HAS-SUCH-ATTRACTIVE-PEOPLE SORT OF A WAY). BUT THERE REALLY WASN’T ENOUGH PLOT OR THRU-LINE FOR ANYONE TO STEAL ANYTHING.

CLONUS starred Timothy Donnelly, Dick Sargent, Keenan Wynn, Peter Graves. It was directed by Robert S. Fiveson.

EDITOR’S NOTE: AND NOW…MORE KICKING THE POOR THING WHEN IT’S DOWN…….
Producers Reflect on 'Island' Failure
By Daniel Fienberg
EDITOR'S NOTE: GRATUITOUS PIC OF ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE....


LOS ANGELES (Zap2it.com)- "We love all our children," insists Walter Parkes. "We love them all equally." EDITOR’S NOTE: SO NOT TRUE.

Parkes and wife/production partner Laurie MacDonald are meeting with the press to talk about their upcoming romantic comedy "Just Like Heaven," a September release with Reese Witherspoon.

"Heaven" seems like the perfect daughter right now, the blonde-haired, blue-eyed head cheerleader who also makes the honor roll every semester and does lots of community service. Parkes and MacDonald know, though, that it's another child that reporters want to discuss, the older son who dropped out of high school, smokes too much pot and got the nice girl down the street pregnant.

Yup, they may love all their children equally, but talking about "The Island" just can't be much fun.

Through its first three weekends, "The Island" had delivered just over $30 million domestically, with an additional $40-plus million coming internationally. Against a budget over $120 million (before advertising), those figures make "The Island" one of the summer's biggest disappointments.

Parkes and MacDonald have had plenty of time to think about what went wrong, beginning at the very top.

"It's a bad title," Parkes declares, as if the title of a presumptive summer blockbuster were a tiny element that might have just slipped through the cracks. "It's a title that refers to something that doesn't exist in the movie. You might say, 'Oh well, so what?' but really from the title comes the advertising campaign and from the campaign comes the image people have of what they may or may not see, so that was a problem."

As basic a building block as a film's title is its core concept, its selling point. Many viewers couldn't decide if "The Island" was supposed to be a sterile sci-fi thriller in the "Logan's Run" vein, an amalgamation of funny costumes and big ideas, or if it was aimed at being a Michael Bay-style brainless action romp. EDITOR’S NOTE: AND IN ITS ATTEMPTS TO BE BOTH, IS WHERE IT FAILED. (THE TITLE, BEING SO MUCH THE LEAST OF ITS PROBLEMS).

The trailers offered those two hooks, plus several others and left audiences perplexed at what they would see if they spent money on "The Island." Thus, they apparently decided not to. EDITOR’S NOTE: YOU’D THINK THEY WOULD DECIDE…AS WE DID…THAT SEEING EWAN MCGREGOR AND SCARLETT JOHANNSON WAS PLENTY FOR A SLOW AUGUST SATURDAY.

"I can easily tell you about two guys in black suits with sunglasses and big guns who protect us from the aliens we don't know are all around us and you go, 'OK, I'll take that ...'" Parkes says of another, more successful, summer franchise he oversaw. "It's a very distinct concept. If I tried to do that on 'The Island,' it doesn't come down that well."

Parkes continues, "Without that clear conceptual hook, we ended up having to actually present too much, but it actually seemed to be more confusing, as opposed to elucidating to the audience."

But "The Island" is hardly the first summer movie to be released with a confusing plot or, as happens far more frequently, no plot at all. In those cases, it's usually left to the stars to sell the vehicle. The fate of "The Island," though, was left in the hands of Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson, two excellent actors of questionable box office clout.

"Listen, those are superstars of the future, those two actors, they're not superstars of the present," Parkes says.

McGregor's mainstream credentials are built on the three "Star Wars" prequels, a billion dollar trilogy that could, just possibly, have succeeded even without him. EDITOR’S NOTE: UMM…YA THINK?!

Johansson is a critical darling with only art house hits to her credit. It's with some regret that MacDonald calls out the 20-year-old actress for not bringing in younger viewers.

"She's not owned by this sort of young generation at all," she says, before burying the knife. "Even lesser television actresses, quite honestly, would have more connection to that audience." EDITOR’S NOTE: A POINT IN HER FAVOR, FRANKLY. BUT, OK. SO THE TITLE IS AT FAULT. THE ACTORS….TWO OF THE BEST IN THE BIZ…ARE AT FAULT. THE MARKETING IS A PROBLEM TOO, EH? DOES ANYONE IN CHARGE BEAR ANY RESPONSIBILITY? SAY THE DIRECTOR WHO TOOK WHAT IS RUMORED TO BE A GOOD SCRIPT AND MANGLED IT? OR MAYBE THE PRODUCERS WHO APPEAR TO PUT THEIR STAMP ON BUT TAKE NO RESPONSIBILITY, ONLY CREDIT?

NAH….DIDN’T THINK ANY OF THAT COULD HAVE RELEVANCE…..

Parkes and MacDonald have been with DreamWorks since the company was created in 1994 and the duo just extended their production contract through the end of 2008. Their responsibility is now to try to learn some lessons from "The Island." EDITOR’S NOTE: GOOD LUCK WITH THAT WHOLE LESSON-LEARNING THING.

"We've done this a long time and we've made so many movies," MacDonald says. "It was a big risk to go out with an original, and what turned out to be a difficult, idea and in summer, you're going out in a highly competitive time. What everyone will do now, though, is you'll probably be a little more conservative in what you spend, the kind of casting you need to feel assured you can open the movie, putting it out in a time you feel it has its own space. Those are just things you will reexamine more carefully." EDITOR’S NOTE: ‘REEXAMINE MORE CAREFULLY’? THIS GUY IS DUMB AS A STUMP. RICH…BUT REALLY STUPID.

DVD format war will rage for two years
Experts predict long battle for supremacy between Blu-ray and HD DVD

The recent decision by 20th Century Fox to use Sony's Blu-ray next-generation DVD format, rather than Toshiba's rival HD DVD, is likely to spark a lengthy format war, industry experts have warned.

But the resulting discord could revive opportunities for on-demand TV, according to Gartner.

Laura Behrens, a principal research analyst at Gartner, explained that the motion picture industry hoped to introduce the next-generation DVD on a single format late in 2005.
"But the studios are now evenly divided between Blu-ray and HD DVD, guaranteeing a long market battle," she warned. EDITOR’S NOTE: GOOD. AS MUCH AS I LOVE ALL THE UPGRADING AND NEW, FUN TOYS, I CAN’T AFFORD TO RE-DO MY SYSTEM ANY TIME SOON. SO KEEP FIGHTING KIDS, AND MY CURRENT TECH STAYS CURRENT FOR A LITTLE WHILE LONGER. (PHEW)

"The costs will be immense, in everything from realigned strategic relationships to manufacturing costs to consumer packaging and marketing.

"Eventually one format will win, or companies will develop affordable technology to use both, but Fox's decision will delay that moment until at least 2007."

Blu-ray technology, backed by companies including Sony, Apple, Dell, HP, Panasonic, Sharp and Samsung, together studios including Disney, MGM and now Fox, aims to put 50GB of data on a two-layer disc, enough for more than four hours of HD content.

However, the completely new storage architecture is more expensive to produce than HD DVD hardware and software.

In contrast HD DVD will hold up to 45GB on three layers, but discs can be made in today's factories with relatively minor modifications.

The technology is backed by Toshiba, NEC, Sanyo and others, with promises of players on the market for Christmas this year. Paramount, NBC-Universal, Warner and New Line have announced plans to release about 70 movies in the HD DVD format this year.

Gartner expects that content owners will need to direct some of their attention away from the disc format war to the existing HD channel offered by television and create video-on-demand libraries and IP television.

These providers will not completely displace DVD technology among consumers, but they can gain market share while the format war rages.

The analyst firm advised technology providers to "wait no longer" and cater to both formats if they can. "If you can't, decide whether to act aggressively for a big payoff or defensively to minimise losses if your choice doesn't win," said Behrens. EDITOR’S NOTE: UH-YEP. THOSE WOULD BE YOUR OPTIONS. AND YOU GET PAID HOW MUCH FOR THIS HELPFUL ADVICE? (THOSE WHO CAN, DO. THOSE WHO CAN’T, GET BIG BUCKS TO BE ‘CONSULTANTS’)

DA VINCI CODE is Cleared
On Friday, it was announced that Dan Brown has won a court ruling against author Lewis Perdue who claimed his book THE DA VINCI CODE copied elements from two of his books. The suit was for $150 million in damages.

Perdue had claimed CODE infringed on the copyright of his novels DAUGHTER OF GOD and THE DA VINCI LEGACY, and that Brown had copied the basic premis of DAUGHTER.

The N.Y. judge presiding over the case stated "a reasonable average lay observer would not conclude that 'The Da Vinci Code' is substantially similar to 'Daughter of God'." EDITOR’S NOTE: OF COURSE THE ‘REASONABLE AVERAGE LAY OBSERVER’ CAN’T READ.

ATAS Reverses Restrictions on Emmy Speeches
The Academy of Television Arts & Sciences board of governors voted Monday night to not restrict the speeches of writers and directors winning awards during the Sept. 18 Primetime Emmy Awards telecast.

The decision reverses an April announcement that nominees in the six prime-time writing and directing categories would have to prepare pre-taped remarks, which would be played as the winner walked to the stage.

Sources said writers and directors upset about the decision had made threats, including not preparing tapes, preparing tapes that mocked the Emmys and boycotting the telecast. EDITOR’S NOTE: OOOO…I LIKE THAT MOCKING IDEA. WOULDN’T THAT HAVE BEEN A MUCH MORE INTERESTING SHOW?! (OF COURSE, GIVEN THE WAXING AND WANING OF WRITING SKILL ON TV, I GUESS THE MOCKING WOULD HAVE BEEN AS VARIABLE IN SKILL AS THE TV SHOW WRITING ITSELF)?

"Some of the initial assumptions were not accurate in light of the way the show was being constructed," the academy said in a statement. "In effect, the amount of time being saved was not as much as originally thought, and the costs incurred would be in excess of original projections." EDITOR’S NOTE: THIS IS BOSS-SPEAK FOR 'RUN AWAY, RUN AWAY!!" BOY HOWDY I BET THERE WAS SOME YELLING, EH? (AND THAT MOCKING IDEA WAS WORRYING THEM A BIT?)

The reversed plan was the result of viewer focus-group research seeking ways to make the awards more exciting. EDITOR’S NOTE: FOCUS GROUPS…YET ANOTHER BAD IDEA BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE MBA MARKETING DEPARTMENT.

The 2004 broadcast was seen by 14 million total viewers, the second-lowest-rated Emmy awards in history. Last month, Grammy Awards producer Ken Ehrlich was tapped to executive produce the ceremony, taking the reins from veteran Emmys producer Don Mischer.

EDITOR’S NOTE: HERE’S A FOLLOW UP TO AN EARLIER ITEM ABOUT THIS NEW BOOK AWARDS CALLED 'THE QUILLS'.

I DON’T THINK I SHOULD VOTE THIS YEAR…SEEING AS HOW THE ONLY BOOK I’VE READ OF ALL OF THEM IS HARRY POTTER 6. (GO FIGURE…NOT A SINGLE STAR WARS BOOK. HARUMPH)!

HERE ARE THE NOMINEES.

I DON’T’ THINK VOTING STARTS FOR ANOTHER WEEK OR SO, SO READ FAST?

quillsvote.com
http://www.quillsliteracy.org/quillawards.html
Here is the list of 5 nominees in each category.

Audio Book
Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking (unabridged - CD) Malcolm Gladwell1586217194Time Warner AudioBooks

Chronicles: Volume One (abridged - CD)Bob Dylan; Read by Sean Penn0743543092Simon & Schuster Audio

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart Presents America: A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction (abridged - CD)Jon Stewart and the Writers of the Daily Show1586217011Time Warner AudioBooks

His Excellency: George Washington (unabridged - CD)Joseph J. Ellis1402544766
Recorded Books

When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? (unabridged - CD)George Carlin1401399169Hyperion Audiobooks

Children's Illustrated Book
America the Beautiful: A Pop-Up Book Robert Sabuda0689847440Little Simon

Egyptology: Search for the Tomb of Osiris Nick Harris, Ian Andrew (Illustrator), Helen Ward (Illustrator) 0763626384Candlewick Press

Knuffle Bunny: A Cautionary Tale Mo Willems0786818700Hyperion Books for Children

Runny Babbit: A Billy Sook Shel Silverstein0060256532HarperCollins Children's Books

Zen Shorts Jon J. Muth0439339111Scholastic Books

Children's Chapter Book/Middle Grade
Dragon Rider Cornelia Funke, Anthea Bell (translator)0439456959Chicken House/Scholastic Books

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince J.K. Rowling, Mary GrandPré (Illustrator)0439784549Scholastic/LevineEDITOR'S NOTE: WOOHOO, GO HARRY!

Ida B...and Her Plans to Maximize Fun Katherine Hannigan0060730242Greenwillow Books

Peter and the Starcatchers Dave Barry and Ridley Pearson0786854456Disney Press

A Series of Unfortunate Events Book the Eleventh: The Grim Grotto Lemony Snicket, Brett Helquist (Illustrator) 0064410145HarperCollins

Children's BooksYoung Adult/Teen
47 Walter Mosley0316110353Little Brown and Co.

Abarat: Days of Magic, Nights of War Barker, Clive0060291702Joanna Cotler Books

Girls in Pants: The Third Summer of the Sisterhood AnnBrashares0385729359Delacorte Press

How I Live Now Meg Rosoff0385746776Wendy Lamb Books

Wormwood G. P. Taylor0399242570Putnam Juvenile

General Fiction
A Long Way Down Nick Hornby1573223026Riverhead Book

Gilead Marilynne Robinson0374153892Farrar Straus & Giroux

The Mermaid Chair Sue Monk Kidd0670033944Viking

The Plot Against America Philip Roth0618509283Houghton Mifflin Company

Zorro Isabel Allende, Margaret Sayers Peden (Translator)0060778970HarperCollins

Graphic Novel
American Splendor: Our Movie Year Harvey Pekar0345479378Ballantine

Bone: One Volume Edition Jeff Smith188896314XCartoon Books

In the Shadow of No Towers Art Spiegelman0375423079Pantheon Books

Marvel 1602 Volume 1 Neil Gaiman, Andy Kubert, Richard Isanove0785110704Marvel Comics

Persepolis 2: The Story of a Return Marjane Satrapi0375422889Pantheon Books

Mystery/Suspense/Thriller
The Closers Michael Connelly0316734942Little Brown and Co.

Eleven on Top Janet Evanovich0312306261St. Martin's Press

The Historian Elizabeth KostovaLittle Brown and Co.0316011770

In the Company of Cheerful Ladies Alexander McCall Smith0375422714Pantheon

With No One as Witness Elizabeth George0060545607HarperCollins

Poetry
180 More: Extraordinary Poems for Every Day Billy Collins (Editor) 0812972961Random House

Ariel: The Restored Edition: A Facsimile of Plath's Manuscript Slyvia Plath0060732598HarperCollins

Gilgamesh: A New English Version Stephen Mitchell074326164XFree PressBlue

Iris: Poems and Essays Mary Oliver0807068829Beacon Press

Let America Be America Again: And Other Poems Langston Hughes1400095190Vintage Books

Romance
44 Cranberry Point Debbie Macomber0778320731Mira Books

Blue Dahlia Nora Roberts051513855XJove

Northern Lights Nora Roberts0399152059Berkley

The Rocky Road to Romance Janet Evanovich0060598891HarperTorch

Undead and Unemployed MaryJanice Davidson0425197484Berkley

Science Fiction/Fantasy/Horror
The Dark Tower VII: The Dark Tower Stephen King, Michael Whelan (Illustrator) 1880418622Scribner/Grant

Going Postal Terry Pratchett0060013133HarperCollins

Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell: A Novel Susanna ClarkeBloomsbury 1582344167

Shadow of the Giant Orson Scott Card0312857586Tor Books

The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror Christopher Moore0060590254William Morrow & Co.

Debut Author of the Year
Broken for You Stephanie Kallos0802117791Grove Press

French Women Don't Get Fat Mireille Guiliano1400042127Alfred A. Knopf

The Ha-Ha Dave King 0316156108Little Brown and Co.

The Historian Elizabeth Kostova0316011770Little Brown and Co.

The Traveler John Twelve Hawks038551428XDoubleday

Religion/Spirituality
God's Politics: Why the Right Gets It Wrong and the Left Doesn't Get It Jim Wallis0060558288HarperSanFrancisco

Leaving the Saints: How I Lost the Mormons and Found My Faith Martha Nibley Beck0609609912Crown

Peace Is the Way: Bringing War and Violence to an End Deepak Chopra0307236072Harmony

Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith: Further Thoughts on Faith
Anne Lamott1573222992Riverhead

Your Best Life Now: 7 Steps to Living at Your Full Potential Joel Osteen0446532754Warner Faith

Biography/Memoir
Chronicles: Volume One Bob DylanSimon & Schuster

The Glass Castle: A Memoir Jeannette Walls0743247531Scribner

His Excellency: George Washington Joseph J. Ellis1400040310Alfred A. Knopf

Magical Thinking: True Stories Augusten Burroughs0312315945St. Martin's Press

Will in the World: How Shakespeare Became Shakespeare Stephen Greenblatt0393050572W.W. Norton & Company

Business
Confessions of an Economic Hit Man John Perkins1576753018Berrett-Koehler Publishers

Conspiracy of Fools: A True Story Kurt Eichenwald0767911784Broadway Books

DisneyWar James B. Stewart0684809931Scribner

Freakonomics: A Rogue Economist Explores the Hidden Side of Everything Steven D Levitt and Stephen J. Dubner006073132XWilliam Morrow & Co.

Winning Jack Welch with Suzy Welch0060753943HarperBusiness

Cooking
Being Dead Is No Excuse: The Official Southern Ladies Guide to Hosting the Perfect Funeral Gayden Metcalfe1401359345Hyperion Books

Everyday Italian: 125 Simple and Delicious Recipes Giada de Laurentiis1400052580Clarkson Potter

The Gourmet Cookbook: More Than 1000 Recipes Ruth Reichl0618374086Houghton Mifflin

On Food and Cooking: The Science and Lore of the Kitchen Harold McGee0684800012Scribner

Rachael Ray's 30-Minute Get Real Meals: Eat Healthy Without Going to Extremes Rachael Ray1400082536Clarkson Potter

Health/Self Improvement
And One More Thing Before You Go... Maria Shriver0743281012Free Press

Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking Malcolm Gladwell0316172324Little Brown and Co.

French Women Don't Get Fat Mireille Guiliano1400042127Alfred A. Knopf

He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo068987474XSimon Spotlight Entertainment

Mother-Daughter Wisdom: Creating a Legacy of Physical and Emotional Health Christiane Northrup0553105736Bantam

History/Current Events/Politics
102 Minutes: The Untold Story of the Fight to Survive Inside the Twin Towers Jim Dwyer and Kevin Flynn0805076824Times Books

1776 David McCullough0743226712Simon & Schuster

The Children's Blizzard David Laskin0060520752HarperCollins

Collapse: How Societies Choose to Fail or Succeed Jared Diamond0670033375Viking

The World Is Flat: A Brief History of the Twenty-First Century Thomas L. Friedman0374292884Farrar Straus & Giroux

Humor
Bad Cat: 244 Not-So-Pretty Kitties And Cats Gone Bad Jim Edgar0761136193Workman Publishing

The Complete Cartoons of the New Yorker Robert Mankoff1579123228Black Dog & Leventhal Publishers

The Complete Peanuts 1953-1954 Charles M. Schulz1560976144Fantagraphics Books

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart Presents America: A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction Jon Stewart & the Writers of the Daily Show0446532681Warner Books

When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? George Carlin1401301347Hyperion Books

Sports
Between a Rock and a Hard Place Aron Ralston0743492811Atria Books

Faithful: Two Diehard Boston Red Sox Fans Chronicle the Historic 2004 Season Stewart O'Nan & Stephen King0743267524Scribner

Favre Brett Favre, Bonita Favre with Chris Havel1590710363

Rugged Land Three Nights in August: Strategy, Heartbreak, and Joy; Inside the Mind of a Manager Buzz Bissinger0618405445Houghton Mifflin

Unforgivable Blackness: The Rise and Fall of Jack Johnson Geoffrey C. Ward0375415327Alfred A. Knopf

EDITOR'S NOTE: AND LAST....BUT NEVER EVER LEAST....A WEE BIT OF HARRY POTTERING ---
HBP: the choice of prisoners
The U.S. prison at Guantanamo Bay turns out to be a popular place to read Half-Blood Prince, Reuters reports:

"Harry Potter is a popular title among some of the detainee population," said the librarian, a civilian contractor identified only as "Lorie" who works at the prison camp for foreign terrorism suspects at the U.S. naval base in Cuba.Lorie said the popularity of the best-selling Harry Potter books, which recount the adventures of a boy wizard as he triumphs over the powers of evil, was matched only by the prisoners' passion for Agatha Christie, some of whose murder mysteries are set in the Middle East. EDITOR’S NOTE: OR INVOLVE ESCAPING FROM LOCKED ROOMS, NO DOUBT?

GOF to receive PG-13 rating
TVGuide.com is reporting that the fourth movie, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, has been slapped with a PG-13 rating due to "sequences of fantasy violence and frightening images."EDITOR'S NOTE: MY FAVORITE PARTS!

If this is confirmed, GOF is the first of the Potter films to receive this rating by the MPAA. We're working on getting confirmation from Warner Brothers. Stay tuned.

EDIT: We just received word from Warner Brothers. It's official. EDITOR’S NOTE: FIRST STAR WARS, NOW HARRY POTTER. SEX AND VIOLENCE AND SCIFI. WOOHOO!!!