OddBob Wraps up Harry Potter Week (as only OddBob can)
"Not tonight, Ginny -- I'm watching the Quidditch match."
"And lo, Harry's spirit passed forth from the realm of hardcover releases, and into a series of ghost-written paperbacks unto eternity."
"Holding Voldemort's severed head high in the air, Dudley sneered at Harry's sniveling form in the corner, and exclaimed, 'No more fat jokes, cousin.'"
"I'd like you to meet my new associate, Nearly Headless Hermione."
"Hermione, on the other hand, decided to give up the whole wizard shtick and become a dancer at a gentleman's club called The Caldron in Hogsmeade."
"Okay, Ron, now it's time for a little Paycheckium Cashicus!!"
"It was the same as the last six closing remarks that I'd heard from Dumbledore: 'If you tell your parents, I swear to God, I'll kill you in your sleep,'"
"Hermione pressed her heaving bosom against Harry and the two stepped over Ron's smoking remains, mounted his broom and flew off with hopes of a new life in a land where screaming orgasms wouldn't incinerate everything in a 50-foot radius."
"Harry trudged down the lane, devastated at the news that he was the only one who'd have to repeat 7th year."
"So, in the end, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was undone by the love that dare not speak its name."
"Harry put a quarter in the juke box on the diner table and flipped through the song list, finally settling on Journey's 'Don't Stop Believing.'"
"Hey, this Bott's Bean tastes like cyani--"
and the Number 1 Guesses at the Last Line of "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows"...
"And then Harry woke up from his dream to find himself still on the scaffold, with the angry citizens of Salem Village clamoring for his death."