Just when you thought it was SAFE

EDITOR'S NOTE: I BET YOU THOUGHT THAT SINCE THE QOTD WAS TOO BUSY FOR HARDLY ANY DWEEBING THIS WEEK, YOU WERE SAFE FROM THE EVILS OF ODD'BOBBING?????

NO SUCH LUCK, DWEEBPALS.

ODDBOB TIME, FRIENDS.

YOU KNOW THE DRILL ON READING AT YOUR OWN RISK, RIGHT?

The Top 10 Rejected Titles for the Next Indiana Jones Movie

10> Indiana Jones at the Altar of Metamucil

9> Indiana Jones and the Electric Boogaloo

8> Indiana Jones and the Temporomandibular Joint Syndrome of Doom.

7> Indiana Jones and the Nightly Dose of Geritol

6> Indiana Jones and the Curse of the Purloined Dentures

5> Indiana Jones and the Some-Sort-of-Religious-Relic of Some-Scary-Mysteriously-Protected-Place.

4> Indiana Jones and the Wheelchair Ramp

3> Indiana Jones and the Nursing Home of Indiscretions

2> Indiana Jones, Han Solo and Jack Ryan Remember the Glory Days.

EDITORS' NOTE: AWWW...SO MEAN. (SNICKER)

and the Number 1 Rejected Title for the Next Indiana Jones Movie...

1> Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the AFC

There was a rumor for a bit that Steven Spielberg was going to remake "Mary Poppins."

The Top 7 Changes in a Spielberg Remake of "Mary Poppins"

7> Mary played by Tom Hanks.

6> Dancing penguins replaced by Pinky and The Brain.

EDITOR'S NOTE: OOOO. I MISS PINKY AND THE BRAIN! THIS WOULD BE GOOOOOD.

5> When they go into the chalk drawing, they are pursued by sharks, dinosaurs, aliens, Nazis and an unusually dashing and athletic archaeologist.

EDITOR'S NOTE: A DASHING ARCHAELOGIST WHO CAN'T DO A BRIT ACCENT ANY BETTER THAN DICK VAN DYKE, RIGHT?

4> Imagine Mary's surprise when she discovers that Jane and Michael Banks are robot children!

3> With the kids a bit too recalcitrant at bedtime, Mary looks at the medicine bottle and says ominously, "We're gonna need a bigger spoon."

2> Father gains his revenge on the the bank management by assassinating them one by one.

and the Number 1 Change in a Spielberg Remake of "Mary Poppins"...

1> Mary leads a thousand doomed nannies, flying in on bicycles and firing semi-automatic umbrellas, in a bloody attempt to storm Mr. Banks' front porch.

Take a classic fairy tale, toss in some of your favorite SF themes and characters, mix well, and this is what you get.

The Top 8 Fairytales Gone SF

8> The Emperor's New Hairpiece: Khan Noonien Singh convinces Captain Kirk the invisible toupee looks great on him and is worth every penny he's paying. Donald Trump also stars.

7> Hansoylent Greteleen: It's made of PEOPLE!

6> Goldilocks and the Three Borgs

5> "This little piggy went into orbit, this little piggy stayed in stasis, this little piggy had roast tribble...."

EDITOR'S NOTE: I HEAR ROAST TRIBBLE IS EXCELLENT WITH SOYLENT GREEN.

4> The Three Little Sith

EDITOR'S NOTE: GIGGLE. SNORT.

3> Mother Goose Is a Harsh Mistress

2> Little Red Romulan Hood

and the Number 1 Fairytale Gone SF...

1> Jack and the Sentient Being Stalk

EDITOR'S NOTE: HAPPY WEEKEND, DWEEBPALS!