OddBob's Corner (yet again)

The Top 7 Differences If Peter Jackson and Michael Jackson Switched Places

7> Sauron? A giant, hideous prosthetic nose.

6> Black Riders actually whiter than Shadowfax.

5> When Pete jumps on top of a car to dance, he puts a big ol' dent in the roof.EDITOR'S NOTE: NOT SO MUCH ANY MORE.

4> Gollum's split-personality monologue much shorter: "I'm bad, I'm good, you know it!"

3> Macaulay Culkin's "Frodo" sports tiny neoprene hotpants, dangles Gollum over the Crack of Doom.

2> Liv Tyler replaced with that kid from "Two and a Half Men."

and the Number 1 Difference If Peter Jackson and Michael Jackson Switched Places...

1> Hey, those aren't dwarfs, they're just little boys with glued-on beards! EDITOR'S NOTE: ODD ODD ODD, BOB.

The Top 9 Things Not to Say to King Kong on a Date

9> "Is that an aircraft carrier in your tightly clenched fist, or are you just happy to see me?"

8> "Ever think of shaving your back?"

7> "Godzilla is a better dancer."

6> "See those airplanes? They can climb higher than you can."

5> "Somehow, I thought it would be bigger."EDITOR'S NOTE: OH SO WRONG.

4> "Ya know, Kong, a wink and a nudge are sufficient indications of your naughty desires. You didn't have to climb the tallest building in town."

3> "AIIIEEEE! PUT ME DOWN! PUT ME... hey, I can see my apartment from here!"

2> "Honey, one more operation and I'll be all woman!"

and the Number 1 Thing Not to Say to King Kong on a Date...

1> "No, you're great, King. It's just that Grape Ape is better at expressing his feelings."
EDITOR'S NOTE: DID WE SAVE THE BEST FOR LAST? HARD TO TELL.....