Friday, December 02, 2005

How much OddBob do we need?


The Top 8 Bonus Features on the "War of the Worlds" DVD
8> The invaders just came here to kill us all for re-electing George Bush.
7> Copy of original FBI/CIA files proving several alien invasion cover-ups.
6> A special Flash game in which you get to smack Tom Cruise in the head with a rolled up newspaper every time he tries to jump up on the couch: "Bad Tom! Off the couch!"
5> More photos of Tom Cruise, because, goodness knows, we didn't see enough of him in the movie.EDITOR'S NOTE: MAYBE WE COULD SMACK PEOPLE WHO PUT TOM CRUISE IN MOVIES. I MEAN, IT'S THEIR FAULT, RIGHT?!
4> An automated "H.G. Wells Grave-Spins to Date" calculator.
3> Eagle-eyed fans will notice a brief clip of Tom Cruise in "Top Gun" regalia flying one of the overhead defense jets.
2> Tom's still wearing his lucky underwear from "Risky Business."
and the Number 1 Bonus Feature on the "War of the Worlds" DVD...
1> An animated history of Earth/Mars conflict, hosted by Valentine Michael Smith and Uncle Martin.EDITOR'S NOTE: AWWW....UNCLE MARTIN. SEE, NOW THIS WOULD BE WORTH BUYING THE DVD FOR!

The Top 15 Movie Quotes We'd Like to See
15> "Wait. Why don't we look for a campground that isn't plagued by a homicidal maniac?"

14> "Oh come on, Clarisse, just a nibble?"

13> "That's great, Will. Now solve *this* equation: How many times does a toilet have to back up before the whole damn math building stinks?"

12> "The truth? You can't handle the truth -- You're a freakin' Scientologist!"

11> "Since the ten of us are surrounding Mr. Van Damme, let's attack him one at a time... it just makes sense."

10> "Dad, can I borrow the Death Star tonight?"

9> "Okay, Jack, I will. But only because we're probably gonna be dead in an hour." EDITOR'S NOTE: WHAT'S THIS ONE? (SORRY...BAD QOTD, BAD BAD....)

8> "He can't be bargained with. He can't be reasoned with. He doesn't feel fear, or pain, or remorse. And until he is found guilty of *something*, there's no stopping the Clintonator!"

7> "The name's Jeremy... Ron Jeremy."

6> "Mrs. Robinson, promise me you'll never discuss this with the Independent Counsel."

5> "You know, Sally, rather than waste that talent in a deli, why don't we open a phone sex line?"

4> "I'm sorry, Dave, I can't do that without Microsoft PodBay 2.1."

3> "Wardrobe! See if you can find Ms. Stone some panties."

2> "Thelma, I think we missed our turn."

and Number 1 Movie Quote We'd Like to See...

1> "This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendsh-- Hey!! Get your hand off my ass!"

If we are to learn anything of value from "Star Trek," it's that the universe is filled with vastly different styles of foreheads.-- Chris Needles


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