Long time no OddBob

EDITOR'S NOTE: REMEMBER....IT'S NOT MY FAULT. (FINE PRINT ON THE RULES FOR ODDBOB POSTINGS CONTRACT)

We're being subjected to a number of new SF dramas this season on "mainstream" TV.

Here are a few concepts the networks didn't like.

The Top 7 Rejected SF TV Concepts

7> "Doctor Whom": Science fiction for the upper-class British.

6> Pimp My Starship: Captain Picard and the gang add some bling to the Enterprise.

5> "Bay Trek" or "Star Watch": Like "Star Trek" but with bikini- clad hotties running in slo-mo on alien beaches! EDITOR'S NOTE: HOW IS THIS DIFFERENT FROM JUST ABOUT EVERY PLANET CAPTAIN KIRK VISITED ON THE ORIGINAL SHOW?

4> Star Trek - PDU (Prime Directive Unit): A group of Federation scientists, sociologists and lawyers follows in the wake of the USS Enterprise attempting to repair damage done by Kirk and company interfering with under-developed planets.

3> Seven of Nine: Two of the nine Supreme Court justices have secretly been replaced by aliens, and are attempting to weaken the government to make an alien invasion easier. Only the plucky court reporter played by Jeri Ryan knows this has happened and is trying to expose the aliens.

2> Oprah Star Wars: Oprah talks to some of the lesser-known races about life, troubles and losing weight and gives away thousands in fabulous gifts.

and the Number 1 Rejected SF TV Concept...

1> Bluffy the Vampire Pokerplayer: The stakes are real gold.

EDITOR'S NOTE: SOME OF THOSE IDEAS DON'T SOUND SO BAD, ACTUALLY. (COMPARED TO ANY NUMBER OF THINGS THAT HAVE ACTUALLY BEEN ON TV).

The Top 8 Ways to Choose the Next James Bond

8> First, eliminate all the blond guys. Uh-oh.

7> Martini-chugging contest.

6> Make them earn it from Judi Dench in a "Bachelorette"-style reality show.

5> Lock the candidates in a room with Portia de Rossi, Jody Foster and Ellen DeGeneres. First one to score is our new Bond. EDITOR'S NOTE: OOO..OUCH. NPC.

4> Hold a toga party, see who needs the biggest sheet, ifyouknowwhatimean. EDITOR'S NOTE: NO. BATTING EYELASHES. WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

3> Who cares? Just make sure his British accent is better than Madonna's.

EDITOR'S NOTE: OR KEVIN COSTNER'S.

2> If anyone standing on a ladder reaches Sean Connery's shoulders, he's your man.

and the Number 1 Way to Choose the Next Bond...

1> See who can beat up Tom Cruise. Hire him on principle.

EDITOR'S NOTE: WHERE'S THE CHALLENGE IN THIS? I CAN BEAT UP TC!